My Middle Sister Noni's Song called Goddess

I love my Middle Sister Noni, despite our arguments about hair styling;) hehehehe Here is a wonderful song she wrote and performed with artist Sole Profit. It's an old school hip hop sound. Please get the word out about my Sister because she can sing and has a message to spread!!!

Honor for an Old Friend (CAUTION, DARK THEMES CONTAINED in this post!)

This scripture is relevant to the post, Taken from the book of Ephesians in the Bible:

'10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; 19And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, 20For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.'

Hello everyone, a few days ago I realized that I simply did not have the time to keep up my Facebook page and that I needed to take a break. I have had a fairly lax attitude about keeping up this blog for a while, and tend to use it as an online diary where I don't mind sharing certain thoughts. I also appreciate the interactive nature of blogging, some people actually deign to read the stuff I write and then comment.And in some instances I have really valued the input of the commenters. So this post is a bit of a brain dump, thoughts I've been having about the past and the future.

My son Eno is turning four this year and we are so blessed to have him in our lives! Being a parent carries responsibilities and anxieties that I never anticipated! My little guy has been doing pretty well lately and his visual spatial intelligence is really astonishing! This is good for him, since his speech is still a bit delayed. Most of his speech now is babble and echolalia, but each day he might say a sentence fragment indicating what he wants. Seeing my son grow and blossom makes me realize why I am ALIVE and why I have to fight to make this world a better place. He deserves that from me. And I daresay most parents feel this responsibility for their children.

HOWEVER, every now and then one comes across a person who has been victimized by the people who are supposed to nurture and support them; their Father and Mother. Parents who act with disdain towards their children will burn in hell. I am saying this because certain memories that I had long wished to bury from my past have began to haunt me over the past few days. Usually Februaries are rough for me because the sexual assaults I suffered in my early twenties occurred in February. Although February is almost over, I can feel the emotional stress of those memories. But given my support structure via my husband, family and friends and the faith I have in the good Lord, I am okay. I have learned ways to silence my mind though mindful meditation or to purge my thoughts through writing as a coping mechanism. It is for this reason that I will share a most disturbing story that is bizarre yet true. And you can see why at this stage I get worried about my little guy and pray MIGHTILY each and every night and day for the safety of my family, particularly my baby son!

I've mentioned before that I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder quite a few years ago as a result of the past traumas and flashbacks are a strong feature of the condition. When experiencing a flashback, I can see and hear and even smell the traumatic event as if I were reliving it. At the height of these flashbacks, I would get very shaky afterward and momentarily lose consciousness. I suffered greatly and it has taken many, many years to come to grips with that pain AND to effectively deal with flashbacks once they hit.

YET there are people who have had it far worse than me; people who have endured things that the minds of good and honest people cannot imagine. A few years ago, I sought help for depression. It was the end of January and my flashbacks were overwhelming me.I checked myself into two hospitals within the span of one week. The first one discharged me after one night with anti anxiety meds, the next one kept me for almost a week and doped me up so badly I didn't know up from down and couldn't do simply physics problems (ie particle in a box) anymore. The drugs exascerbated the situation and I became deeply despondent. Then I met someone in the day program who befriended me. She was a very beautiful and kind girl who had come from an affluent background. She seemed to understand much of what I would tell her in private, like she really had been there. And as I found out later, she had experienced great hardships.

I will never forget her and pray for her and think of her in a positive light. My friend had Borderline personality disorder/Multiple personality disorder the two syndromes are related and tend to arise from childhood sexual abuse. My friend and I went to group therapy sessions together, and sadly, at least a third of the women there had been raped and or molested as children. My friend had recently been raped at her college and was reeling from years of sexual abuse as a child.

As a child my friend lived in a very affluent part of town and her Mother was a philanthropist and society wife and her Father was a high profile professional. When she was two years old, a 'family friend' of her parents started to molest her. He would find some excuse to get her alone and the molestations increased in frequency over time and in brutality. He would put her in a cage and cut her and do things that I cannot even fathom. This man would perform RITUALS before he would brutally sexually violate this poor little girl.

When she was four she drew a picture of her family for her Mother. I saw this picture and cried. It provoked intense emotion that I cannot explain in words. The picture showed her Mother, Father and sister all on one part of the page with smiley faces. Then she was off to another part of the page with a sad face and vertical lines were drawn over her circular head/smiley face figure, the lines definitely looked like a jail cell or some type of confinement. Then she drew a circular head of a man with X's over his eyes ( to show that he was a bad man) and she drew a beard on him. I asked her if her Mother figured it out when she drew the picture, but she claimed her Mother always said that 'she didn't think anything was wrong.' My friend showed me this old picture to illustrate how long the abuse lasted and why she was the poster child for someone with childhood sexual abuse issues; drug use, low self concept, promiscuity, multiple/fractured personalities...you name it. And one other feature she had, which was amazing, is a damn near photographic memory.

Although it may sound like my friend was a hot mess, despite all of that, she had a will to live. She was a very strong person, who despite her quirks provided unconditional love and support. Okay the condition was that you had to accept her like she accepted you. And I loved her dearly. At some point, the demons tried to over take her and she took an overdose of pills but God loves and heals and bonds us to one another with his infinite wisdom. One day I decided to go to the bar to have a drink and listen to some blues music. It was early afternoon and at the time, we lived in a very nice neigborhood around Lake Merritt in Oakland, CA. So I walked to the bar, called 'The Serenader' and brought only my purse and a pen and pad. Usually, I was always seen with my backpack studying some equations intently. But this time, I left the house and traveled lightly.

While I was at the bar, my drink didn't seem to sit well with me. My stomach didn't hurt or anything but my mind was racing and I couldn't get my buddy out of my mind. It got so bad that I could've sworn God himself told me to call her!!!! After my Gibson Martini, I called up my friend and she had slurred speech. I asked her what was going on and she told me she took a lot of pills but it was an 'accident'. Don't ask me how, but I immediately called a cabbie with whom I was familiar and he showed up at light speed and took me to the BART station. Once at the BART station, I was able to immediately hop on a train to the suburb where my friend lived. I didn't call 911 because unfortunately, I didn't know her address by name. I had visited her a few times but always did it by sight, if that makes sense. So I was at her apartment in suburb land within 25 minutes, normally it would have taken 35-40 minutes at that time of day but God works!

I made it to her door and she was slurring terribly but able to talk in some coherent fashion, oddly enough. I called 911 after writing down her address and I asked for her Psychiatrists phone number and spoke to him. The paramedics came and gave her liquid charcoal to absorb the toxins she had ingested and they took her to the hospital to moniter her for arrhythmias. That experience was horrible, but she was able to get some help. When she got checked into the mental ward, I visited her while she was there. My friend was neurotic and utterly insane, fun, talented and had insane mental prowess. She could remember the most tiny of details, despite being on some type of medication (prescribed or otherwise) most of the time.

This brings up some other weirdness. I have read that the brain processes trauma in such a way that the mind never forgets. My friend had been traumatized so much that she never seemed to forget anything! Is God that cruel or is it a survival mechanism from ancient times to help us never to repeat the mistake that traumatized us in the first place? Whatever the case, the last I spoke to my friend she was alive and living out of state and was getting back into school and had the support of a church family. She is one of the funnest and kindest souls I've ever known and I pray she is alright.

Sometimes God puts people in our lives to teach us lessons. I learned many things from my friend. In particular, to cherish the loving and imperfect family God gave me, to appreciate the sacrifice and advocacy my poor Mother and Father went through for all of us, to appreciate the stability of a home where right and wrong are clearly differentiated, to appreciate the anchoring that a faith tradition can bring and most importantly, TO ALWAYS pray and observe people before you let them around your children and then to listen to your children!!!

Rambling over.

To a Higher State of Consciousness

I've come to realize that many of our so called 'GREAT' Presidents are nothing more than mass murders. Yeah, I know I'm late to the party but...better late than never. I recently saw a picture with MLK, Malcolm X and our President and it is circulating around the net.

This comparison is tenuous and based on the most superficial of similarities. If MLK were alive today, I am certain that he would not advocate using depleted uranium and NUKES on people around the globe and Malcolm X would not side with our government on these issues either. Wake up people! We can no longer afford to keep our left and right hands separate, we have to see our government for what it is; and it has been infiltrated by evil forces. And... this could be said about the nature of governments since humans used them to establish societal order from antiquity.

Politicians are subject to corruption and often tell lies. This is because they lust for power. As long as that lust exists and narcissists run for office, I am sad that this will continue to be our reality. Unless we acknowledge TRUTH. TRUTH is truth no matter who speaks it and no matter how it is said. Sometimes we may not like a persons presentation or politics but if they are telling the truth then dangit, we need to listen! I hope you all hear me now, we are living in a difficult age where up seems to be down and left seems to be right.


How could the Nobel committee grant a PEACE prize to a man who routinely has people KILLED? (Like um our President). Isn't that the opposite of PEACE? Gandhis wisdom cannot be overestimated. It is because of his influence on Howard Thurman that Black liberation theology was infused with the philosophy of non violence. I have struggled throughout the years with my inherently violent nature as a human animal. But I think the greatest discipline that we can exhibit as humans is to exercise restraint and act nonviolently. Now if someone threatens your life or the life of your loved ones, nonviolence doesn't mean you sit there and accept abuse. But I do think it means finding a way to DEFLECT and perhaps TRANSFORM negative energy into positive energy. If we expand our consciousnesses as human beings, this is possible. The people of Tibet and the people of colonial India showed us this.

I am very happy to have been raised with that beautiful marriage between Christian theology and non violent philosophy from other faith traditions. I believe that if more of us can incorporate these thoughts into our lives, the human race can and will evolve. But if we keep acting like jerks,justifying the abuse and denigration of other humans simply due to our own prejudices then we will not evolve and will destroy ourselves.

I am rambling right now but writing is a good vehicle to purge my thoughts. A good example of this 'upsidedownness' to which I referred above is that our Commander in Chief, President Obama routinely allows the military to use depleted uranium weapons in the middle east and perhaps elsewhere. That is pure evil. I don't give a damn how it is rationalized, nukes impact the environmental landscape and the GENETICS of their victims for many generations. And a man who purports to be a man of peace does not order the mass murder of thousands and in time, hundreds of thousands of people over some manufactured political crisis. A man of peace will try to figure out a way to minimize the damages to INNOCENT people. Just as regular people like me and you don't have the power to authorize wars against other nations, those victims of the depleted uranium are in the same predicament. They are suffering for the actions of some elite assholes that made decisions over which they had no control. Real men of peace understand the suffering of humanity and try their best to rectify it.

Despite their failings, there have been some very good men who have walked the Earth and I am happy to have learned about them. Indeed studying the words of Gandhi, Thurman and Martin Luther King Jr. give me hope for the human race. Thanks guys!

Getting Ready

Hello everyone, I haven't posted in a while because sometimes I wait until I have something to say before I post. Today I will be getting some diagnostic tests to determine what is going on with my muscles and nerves. The testing is EMG and nerve conduction studies and they use electrical stimulation to figure out what's going on in ones body. I am terrified of what the results might be, but happy to get the tests and desperately curious to see what the results are! Due to my recent setbacks in health, I haven't blogged as much and when I do, as UBJ pointed out the posts were about people who have died. When one is confronted with their own mortality these are the topics that swirl in our brains, among other things like getting our relationships straight and tying up lose ends in other aspects of our lives. I am going to get evaluated at the ALS clinic. I was hoping that the first neurologist could help me, but he did not feel competent enough, given my symptoms and history to evaluate me. So he referred me to the big dogs. My Grandpa Butch heard that I was going to the ALS clinic and was terribly worried, but I hope his mind settles down. It must be hard for him since he just lost his wife and his oldest grandbaby is presenting with muscular problems that are somewhat debilitating at times. I am happy Grandpa is in my life and although I wish he wouldn't worry, am glad to have people in my life who care. I am in a lot of physical pain a lot of the time and one thing I read is that ALS tends to be painless physically. So if that is any indication, I'll keep my fingers crossed that I DON'T have it and I don't want it either. I'll write about the results of this testing once I get them. In the meantime, I hope all of you have a great day. Shout out to my other chronically ill buddies who are getting tests today;)

Farewell to a Frenemy ya 2 dimensional Beast!

Hello there. I've never really been into the whole frenemy thing. But some people I know operate on that level exclusively. It's really sad. A frenemy is someone who is both a friend and an enemy. This type of person does not exist very well in 3 dimensions but they are like anyons, 2 dimensional particles that shift between boson and fermion; they cannot make up their damned minds! And that is significant in this realm because these types of people tend to form very superficial 2 dimensional relationships ha! I never understood those types of people and pretty much try to steer clear of them. But every now and then I get tricked. Oh well. I don't have time for that type of mess in my life, so goodbye and good riddance to nasty rubbish!

You can always tell these types come to think of it, I was simply dumb. My problem is that I see people's crowns very clearly,and what hidden potential lies within. But sometimes that blinds me to other quirks they may have that could be fatal flaws to a meaningful relationship. There's atypicality and then there's psycho crazy! I don't mind a little atypical brain here and there because those people are so interesting like my husband and son. But gosh darnet...I cannot stand psycho crazy and paranoid. I cannot interact with people like that because:

1.They are energy vampires, always taking emotional support from you but never giving a damned thing back. You are there when their parents die, their siblings die and when they are in perpetual crises, but when you need emotional support they are GONE! OR they coincidentally decide to poke at you and create drama when you need them the most.

2.In addition to (1), they are inconsiderate of YOUR time, but forever conscientious of their own. As an example an energy vampire decided to call me after I had just had my son and was recovering from an emergency c-section. I told her that I could only talk for a little bit, like half an hour then I had to go rest. 2 hours later, my phone battery went dead and I was emotionally exhausted from talking to her. It was drama just drama and I was trying to be supportive but I didn't set up strong enough boundaries and she was just plain inconsiderate. I was a fool for being acquainted with someone so self centered in the first place.

There are other lessons to be learned:

3. A friend is known by the company they keep. I was friends with this psycho so in some sense,I need to examine MYSELF more closely and look into that twisted mirror HONESTLY.

4. We need to use the power of discernment in EVERY aspect of our lives. If we don't have innate common sense, all the more reason to pray and look within ourselves and ask God to help us open that third eye and SEE THE TRUTH!!!!!

5. The spirit; that is the soul of a person is far more important than the wrapper in which the soul is housed. I prayed for a specific type of friend; another female scientist, of my ethnic group, with whom I could relate. Ha! What a fool I was! God laughed at me, sent me what I asked for, then laughed again. And now I can laugh too! How utterly preposterous! You don't try to design your friendships; TRUE friendships are sacred and ordained from the heavens. They endure the test of time and blossom and grow. They are not stagnant and strained and unilateral in nature; they are symbiotic. Truthfully God sends us our friends and if you don't believe in God, I truly believe that the universe sends us our friends. And I don't use that term lightly! I learned a serious lesson. I will not ever pray for a specific type of friend again. When I look at the people in my life that have shown me the most care and support, they are a diverse group of human beings with a variety of life interests and experiences and they are of various ethnicities. This has enriched my life greatly. Whenever God sends me a friend, I will thank God for the blessing and accept them for who they are. And I know that God allowed me to see that this person was a paranoid nutcase and I don't need that in my life.

There are growing pains in any relationship, but friendship is a beautiful thing that can withstand those pains and come out stronger. I am lucky because my husband and I were very good friends and study buddies before we were physically intimate. This friendship is the basis for our marriage and it has lasted for over 10 years now. We've been friends for 15 years though. I sure am happy to have him as a friend and as a husband! And realize that I cannot ever take him for granted.

But friendships like that are hard to come by. I am blessed to have some close friends from childhood and we will always be tight. I love them dearly and they know it! This is the time to express our thanks and love for our friends and family. Without their support where would we be and how would we be? So anyway, I've rambled enough. Anyons should stay the hell in 2D where they belong and leave me and my family alone;) Ha!

My 35th Birthday & 10th Year Wedding Anniversary

This year marked the 64th wedding anniversary of Wise Old Grandma Earl and Grandpa Butch. How amazingly beautiful. Grandma died just a few days ago, but they truly lived a beautiful life together and Grandpa is still kicking it!!!

Today marks me and my husbands' 10th year wedding anniversary. We've been together 13 years and started off as physics study buddies at SFSU in the physics dept so many years ago. We supported each other through our studies and after many years, I earned my BS in Physics and this was a victory for both of us. Meanwhile, my husband has been doing well in his career and has climbed the ranks in his profession. There are very few people who possess his expertise, and in this economy that has been of great benefit.

Throughout our marriage we've had good times and challenging times. But we made a commitment to be together through thick and thin and sickness and health. My family has suffered greatly in the health department this year, as my husband had a heart attack in February. Ironically they said his blood vessel health was excellent and that his ratio of good to bad cholesterol was good. They could only put 'stress' as a possible reason for his heart attack.

The heart attack was a wake up call for our whole family. My husband is a very hard worker and is on the autistic spectrum. Minds like his are very precious and atypical. He literally was working over 80 hours a week (not due to obligation but because he is that into his work) PLUS putting in work on his personal projects like his hover craft and electronic designs. Some days he would not sleep at all. He'd simply get up after sitting down for a few minutes in between hover craft calculations and then start his job. This was a pattern for MONTHS. I begged him to pace himself, but if any of you have a spouse on the spectrum you'd know that is almost impossible.

So we let that ride, he had the heart attack, was grumpy and mean during recovery and then I cussed him out. You wouldn't believe it but I straight cussed my sickly husband out and told him how evil he was acting and that when people try or want to help him, it is an insult to the universe; to GOD to deny their help. Being mean ain't never healed nobody! And sure enough that marked a turning point in our relationship, although we've been the best of friends for so long! He stopped, thought and became as sweet as pie as he recovered. Mind you his recovery lasted less than one week. In fact I don't think he missed but two days from work and since he works home 60% of the time, he worked normally after those two days. Even his managers were telling him to chill out.

Anyway, usually my husband is a very kind and generous person. But whenever he gets sick, it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde! He turns so evil and it occurred to me that it's because he is so in control of his faculties ALL THE TIME. He is the only guy I've ever known who could be stone cold drunk and NOBODY COULD TELL!!!!! So sickness bothers him because he has to be reliant upon others for help and that is against his nature.

So now, me and my husband are getting along very well. When he gets a cold or something and I give him vitamins and hot tea, he doesn't get mad at me for trying to help. Now he looks at me and says 'Thank you Mahndisa'. When I made lunch yesterday and brought it to him while he was working,he smiled and said 'Thanks'. That warmed my soul! It also makes me happy that despite this crippling disability, I am not incapacitated all day every day and can get some things done; it simply takes longer. But shit...I ain't complaining because it could be worse and truthfully I am BLESSED!

Anyway, we are going on a vacation together in a couple of weeks and are so excited! We will be with Eno and my Father in law and my beautiful niece and our zany cousins! My Father in law is paying for this because he feels his time may be near and wants the family to spend positive time together. Since our family is bicoastal, this was the way to do it. Last year was the first trip but I was too ill to go. But I claim in Gods' name that I WILL be able to go this year, even if I'm in my little wheelchair the whole time! Vacations help to renew and reinvigorate and relationships need that. I am so thankful to be alive and so thankful to have people in my life that care about me. But most importantly, I am happy to be married to my husband a wonderful, obsessive, grumpy, caring and handsome guy:)

Oh, BTW November 7th was my 35th birthday. My Grandmothers wake was the day before and the funeral was on my birthday. I didn't blog here that day because I was obviously busy and the emotions were far too raw. I had to do a lot of soul searching to reconcile the day of her formal burial and my landmark birthday. But in the end, symmetry prevailed. Scientists and particularly physicists in training love symmetries. Grandma was born on 7/11 and was buried on 11/7. It just don't get much better than that does it? hehehehe I can chuckle now at the coincidence, especially because one of her favourite past times was playing scratchers for the lottery. Anyway a couple of days before the funeral I felt compelled to ask my Father if I could say some remarks. Since I was the oldest grandchild my Father said it would be okay, and perhaps welcome. After my sobbing episodes after my exercise, I prayed mightily to ask God to help me figure out the right words to say. This is because I don't like speaking for people. I have NEVER liked speaking for people; and only have done so when a person has no voice of their own or has linguistic difficulties etc.

But Grandma was dead and we had many conversations and I believe she wanted each of her grandkids to know how she felt about them; that is what she said about them to others. And by the grace of God, I was able to convey this information such that my siblings and cousins cried when I addressed them and each of them said they appreciated what was said. My Uncle K said it best 'Can't claim credit for the Lord's words' and I love him to pieces because at some point I had to acknowledge that I am not all that socially adept. Believe me the good Lord put those words in my mouth and I was happy to channel them.

In the end, it was a good birthday alright; just odd and symbolic on so many levels. I'ma miss you Grandma.

Arts and Crafts for Eno

Hello again. As I mentioned previously this thing with my muscles is intermittent and occurs at random times throughout the day. An hour or so ago I had to stop typing but now I can type out my thoughts until I cannot do so. Anyway I mentioned that Eno had been diagnosed with autism last year. He goes to a special school for a few hours each day and prior to that, we had in home autism services though theEarly Start/Early Intervention programme. The services were paid for by the our local Regional Center until Eno turned 3, then the local school district took over funding. Therapists would come to work with my son 1 on 1 every day for 3 hours except weekends! On top of that, he had some in home occupational therapy visits that greatly facilitated his progress! He is doing so very well right now and me and my husband are so grateful for these services. In California they are offered without guidelines for parental income. This is likely because autism is a growing public health concern with between 99 and 150 out of every 1000 children affected.

Eno's autism manifests itself in two main ways; his speech and he obsesses with specific objects and uses them as 'clutch objects' and sometimes as 'stimming' objects. He is physically active with excellent fine and gross motor skills. He is teaching himself how to tumble now and he loves jumping off high objects. He loves the beach and we had him in swimming lessons at one point and he loved to jump into the pool. He also loves to see how things work and will occupy himself for quite a while pushing buttons and examining wires. But he doesn't speak English all that often. He mostly speaks his own Eno language, when he chooses to talk or he will count (we really love that and join him in counting a LOT!). So to get what he needs, he usually leads us by the hand or he can open up the refrigerator and get what he wants, like juice for himself. Then he brings it to me with a cup so I can pour it. He is quite intelligent and observant, he simply isn't talking all that much...like I said in English.

At his school they have him using the PECS system, which they employ for children with communicative disorders and deaf children. In the PECS system, objects have an icon associated with them and children communicate through placing icons on a board. Ultimately this sets them up for reading because the goal is to get them to line up icons sequentially to make a 'picture sentence'. It is so interesting to see how my sons brain works and how in the past, he wasn't too interested in PECS, but now he likes using the icons at school! The icons could be an actual picture of a physical object or an abstract representation of a concept put into a picture. The icons are usually laminated with a Velcro (TM) back because the picture board is Velcro (TM). So tonight I decided to make a PECS board for Eno. When his in home therapy ceased, they took his PECS board back;)

So for part of the night, I spent a couple of hours cutting out pictures of fruit that we eat regularly or semi regularly in the ad section of the local paper. Then I glued them to construction paper backing. The next step is to attach the construction paper backing to paper that is hard almost like cardboard and then attach Velcro (TM) to that backing. I noticed that I only finished about six or seven icons and that it took me quite a bit of time to cut the icons. This is due to the weakness and numbness in my hands and fingers. A couple of times I mishandled the scissors by accident and dropped them on the ground because my grip was so weak. But I picked them up and completed the first phase of the project. The lesson is that despite having a weaker set of hands, they are NOT useless. I simply have to take more time executing my tasks and will have to put in buffer time to do so.

A few minutes ago, as is now a nightly ritual, I worked out my legs but this time I decided to work on my arms. I didn't fall tonight! I almost did but caught myself. The pain was bad but more than spasms I was dealing with intermittent numbness and temporary paralysis. I have to let those episodes pass. Sometimes they last for a few minutes or a couple of minutes. I waited for the numbness and temporary paralysis to subside and then I stomped my feet over and over again and I jumped a couple of times until it hurt to move, that doesn't take very much effort btw because my muscles seem to be either spasming or numb and weak with less and less regular feeling in them as the days progress. But I am adapting because like I said, I just have to factor in more time to do what I need to do. Eno ate a nice dinner tonight and it took me far longer to prepare his simple dinner than it normally might, but I got it done and he had seconds and thirds! hehehehehehheehhehe

PECS icons are cool and I'm happy I got the icons on the primary backing anyway. Here is some more information about PECS.As ever I hope all of you have a wonderful existence and if you're struggling, don't worry you're not alone. Keep your head up.